It’s the holidays. Time to reflect and eat good food and hope for peace in the world. Nice thoughts. But we don’t care about any of that.
You read the headline, didn’t you? This is the Bah! Humbug! List. Leave all the feel goody stuff to Santa. Who, by the way, is a loser that breaks into people’s homes via their chimney while they’re sleeping. He should be in jail. Not celebrated.
This list features the people who annoy you so much you want to shut off the television, disable your Internet or throw your phone against the wall. We’re awarding one to five humbugs: one is mildly annoying like, say, me. Five is Kirk Herbstreit.
Speaking of …
Kirk Herbstreit
Now, not sure about you, but there’s no context in which cussing at kindergarteners is acceptable. Unless they paint a really nice portrait of puppies and you say, ‘Hell yeah, little Sally, such a great painting.’ That’s acceptable.
Not this. ‘When I learned Mike Vrabel was a great coach he had just got done winning the Super Bowl,’ Herbstreit explained during a recent ‘Thursday Night Football’ broadcast. ‘Came back to Columbus and my twins and his son Tyler were about the same age. He coached, I think kindergarten football, and he talked to them the way he talks to these Browns players. And I was like, that guy’s going to be a great coach. ‘Get your a– over here!’ I mean, he was just like in this politically correct style of coaching, that guy is a football coach. Even with kids.’
Dude, what?
Bah! Humbug! score: Five.
(Quick aside. Had to do extensive research on whether Bah! Humbug! is one word or two or hyphenated. You know what, just for that, giving myself a Bah! Humbug! score of three.)
Aaron Rodgers
We all know. Not much explanation is required.
But let’s focus on one recent thing Rodgers did. He went on ‘The Pat McAfee Show’ and criticized the sports media. Specifically, former players.
“I’m talking about these experts on TV who nobody remembers what they did in their career,” Rodgers said. “So in order for them to stay relevant, they have to make comments that keep them in the conversation. That wasn’t going on in 2008, 2009, that was nonexistent.’
There was a lot that didn’t exist in 2009. But irony was and is alive and well. Rodgers failed to see that he was complaining about talk shows while appearing on a talk show and complaining. Peak Aaron.
Rodgers, in his latest appearance on the show Tuesday, said something something about someone’s vaccine status something or other that made absolutely no sense and was another moment of peak Aaron.
‘Say whatever the (expletive) you want about me, I don’t care, but just before you do it, whether you state your name, your accolades, pronouns, whatever it is, just state your [vaccination] status so that anything you say afterwards gets put in the right light,’ he said. ‘Just get it out there.’
Hoo boy.
Bah! Humbug! score: Five. (Probably should go to a 10).
Cowboys fans
Biggest front-runners in all of sports.
This is an emeritus position.
Bah! Humbug! score: Two.
Jameis Winston
Cleveland’s Jameis Winston is the ultimate YOLO quarterback. Even Brett Favre says Winston is too much.
Winston had three interceptions against Kansas City. He has 13 touchdowns and 12 picks on the year. That’s the ultimate YOLO stat line.
Bah! Humbug! score: One. With the option of going to two since Winston will likely throw another interception while you read this.
Draymond Green
Whenever a player says he’s committing to playing without the ‘antics’ he is a perfect Bah! Humbug! fit. Welcome!
Bah! Humbug! score: Two.
Players who drop the football at the goal line
This has become an epidemic. The latest is Colts running back Jonathan Taylor who had a 41-yard touchdown run nullified when he dropped the football before crossing the goal line, triggering a touchback. Follow the words of the great Prince: party like it’s 1999, after you cross the goal line. (Prince never said that.)
Bah! Humbug! score: Four.
Your fantasy team
You lost. You’re in the consolation bracket. Stop crying.
Bah! Humbug! score: Five.
Mike Tyson’s backside
Mike Tyson was doing an interview before his bout with Jake Paul. When he concluded, he turned, and we saw a side of Tyson not previously seen before. The moment was as big a social media sensation as the fight.
Bah! Humbug! score: One.
Lance Armstrong
Just for old times’ sake.
Bah! Humbug! score: Four.
People who dress their dogs as Santa
Dogs do not like getting dressed up. They don’t. You can lie to yourself and say they do but they absolutely hate it. Every time I’ve tried to put a dog costume on a pupper they look at me with disgust. Give dogs treats, not Santa hats.
Bah! Humbug! score: Three.
Me
Yes, me, and people who make obnoxious lists like this one. Go ahead. Roast me. I deserve it. Plus, I’m a Trekker, and can’t shut up about it, which makes me so much worse.
Bah! Humbug! score: One billion.
Happy holidays. Monitor your chimneys. Set phasers to heavy stun.
Follow columnist Mike Freeman on social media @mikefreemanNFL